Today while shopping at my favorite local garden center -- a place where I've spent some happy hours -- I finally asked whether they are accepting applications for part-time. It's something I've thought about for a long time: I love gardening, I've often thought how much I would enjoy working outdoors there, watering the plants, interacting with customers, and learning more about plants and gardening in general.
In response, I learned that just yesterday, they had laid off 3 people, those most newly hired, because business is so slow. (Hey, I have done my part there the last few days!)
After expressing my understanding, I loaded up my plants and drove home, wondering whether I might be selfish for even wanting a part-time job -- just for pleasure -- when others need those jobs to feed their families.
I spent many years in offices and also in academic settings, sitting and standing and using one part of my brain, the analytical part. I thought it would be great to spend this next part of my life in an outdoor setting, also using my brain, but in a very different way, focusing more on customer service.
I don't have a financial reason to work, or not yet, but I would like to find a way to keep learning and growing, and since I am looking for a paid position, there must be some other need I am trying to satisfy. I am not sure what that is. Maybe just ego.
I already volunteer as a senior peer counselor, and I've recently signed up to be a docent at a local regional park, in their nectar garden. Maybe that's all that will be left for me: volunteer work. People have told me that in my mid-50s, I am too young to volunteer, but maybe that's the only door that's still open.
Why doesn't that feel like enough? Maybe it just takes time. When one is 'accidentally retired,' rather than retired by choice, maybe there is some unfinished business that needs to be sorted through.
Perhaps it's because unpaid volunteer work is devalued in a society that is so focused on materialism. We are validated by our paychecks, and thus the unemployed or retired are subtly portrayed as somehow "less worthy." It isn't right, but it's something we tend to pick up from our culture, kind of like a virus. :-)
ReplyDeleteThanks for reading, Susan! I appreciate comments from my first reader.
ReplyDeleteComing as I do from a teaching background, mostly, I don't actually think I ever felt very validated by my paycheck. It took me a lot of work and a lot of jobs to get anything visible to the naked eye! I taught, and read all those essays and things, because I loved what I did and loved the people with whom I worked.
Volunteering is a lot like that, only without pay!